I used to be a tireless caregiver – searching for approval and believing I had to work hard to gain love and acceptance, because of the circumstances of my adoption and adoptive parents ( I had to parent them a lot ), and because I was given away a birth, I held onto the belief ( in every cell of my body ) that love, affection, belonging had to be earned by caring for and looking after others, and doing things for others and buying gifts for others.
There have been three key moments in my life where I have been able to recognise the need to let go of this belief:
- When my children were born and suddenly other peoples’ priorities and requests for things and time from me were no longer more important than the needs of my young children
- When my father passed and my mothers family closed in, trying to take control of her, her finances and to come between us
- After loosing both my adopted parents, my natural parents ( who gave me up at 3 days old ) asked me to call them mum and dad – with absolutely no awareness of the enormity of that request!
These were followed by a couple of years of processes and self work to arrive at a lighter place in life. I no longer link being of service to others with earning something from them and my relationships are no longer heavy with the anxiety of pleasing enough to be loved and belong.
When I choose to help and give to others now, it is simply from a place of love and compassion.
When I say no to requests now, I am empowered to speak from my hear,t and to protect my energy and focus on what serves me and my highest good – I am not exhausted the way I used to be and therefore have energy to put into what and who matters to me.
Working with others to assist and support them to release their stories of burden and any core beliefs that don’t serve them, is my goal each day when working with clients – finding your Essential Self is the most liberating process you can embrace. When you are living as your Essential Self then you are living authentically.
What is great about living authentically?
Authentic people know themselves; they are able to listen to their inner voice, they understand the complexities of their own feelings and they have faced up to the truth about themselves. They have realistic perceptions of reality, are in the whole accepting of themselves and others, are thoughtful and are able to learn from their mistakes.